Bigger Person or a Fool?

If you’ve been following my blog or know me IRL (in real life), you know that I have been separated from my husband since July of 2010. It was not a mutual decision and he has been bitter since. He claims to have the girls' best interests in mind and says he wants to work together, but time and time again his actions tell another story.

After he refused to inspect my car in August – the same car that his children are passengers in nearly every single day – I made up my mind that I do not need him, in any way, shape, or form. I would never again ask for his help or support.

A month ago, in the bloodbath that was mediation, he flaunted his excellent support system. You know, the support system that is always at the ready to take care of Sarah and Emily should something he’s more interested in come up. The support system that will do anything to help him out. The support system that is a suitable substitute for a parent.

Over and over again he has proven himself difficult to work with and unwilling to compromise. For example, he will tell a mediator how important it is for Sarah and Emily to have a relationship with all of their grandparents, but when I mention taking the girls to visit my parents an hour and a half away on a Friday (just for the day) he throws up every roadblock possible and makes unreasonable demands (ie, I need to have them home by 3pm).

If you read my “Silently Retreating” blog entry (March 29), you will remember the story about the ice cream. I foolishly thought one good deed would be the end of me having to be the bigger person. Wrong. I was tested once again.

Last night on my way home from work, I received an "interesting" phone call. He was on the other end and said he had a favor to ask me. I waited with baited breath to hear just what I, being the incompetent person he would like everyone to believe I am, could possibly do for him. As it turned out he needs a ride to work on Monday. I'm sure he figured that since I'll be at the house bright and early to retrieve the girls that it's no problem for me to drop him off at work by 7am. Every ounce of me was saying "no, no, no" and wondering how he even had the gall to ask me for a "favor", but I heard myself saying "I guess". I guess?!?!? Tell me I did NOT just agree to this.

However, I'm between a rock and a hard place. Conciliation is less than a week away. I do not want him to have any fodder to use against me. I must be the bigger person on the high road. There is too much at stake to be anything other than the bigger person, but I must admit when I called my attorney today I asked, "How many times must I be the bigger person before I become a fool?" My attorney assured me that I have not yet achieved "fool status", especially in the eyes of Family Court, and that I am doing the right thing. This will work to my advantage.

For those of you who are still a bit skeptical, just know that I am doing my part to ensure that he and I do not spend eternity in the same place. Neither you nor I want to be where I'm pretty sure he is going.

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